Men at Arms | Terry Pratchett

Corporal Carrot has been promoted!
He's now in charge of the new recruits guarding Ankh-Morpork, Discworld's greatest city, from Barbarian Tribes, Miscellaneous Marauders, unlicensed Thieves, and such.
It's a big job, particularly for an adopted dwarf.
But an even bigger job awaits.
An ancient document has just revealed that Ankh-Morpork, ruled for decades by Disorganized crime, has a secret sovereign!
And his name is Carrot .
.
.And so begins the most awesome epic encounter of all time, or at least all afternoon, in which the fate of a city--indeed of the universe itself!--depends on a young man's courage, an ancient sword's magic, and a three-legged poodle's bladder.